


Free Hugs

by MagpieMorality



Series: Writepie Prompt Fills [76]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Possibly Pre-Slash, Touch-Starved, Unhealthy behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23235778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagpieMorality/pseuds/MagpieMorality
Summary: From these prompts:Logan and Remus being touch starved Logan isn't a very cuddly person so no one actually thinks he cares, but he hugs his pillow tightly every night in hope of getting rid of this aching feeling that he doesn't understand. Remus being disgusting and stinky to the point that no one would actually touch him. He even tried to rub his skin with soap hard enough to the point of blood trying to be at least enough for a hug. It took so many years for the sides to notice their suffering.ANDFor the prompts thingy: touch starved Remus? Fluff would be preferred but if you want to rip my heart out of my chest that's cool too(Remus only included in this unfortunately!)
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Writepie Prompt Fills [76]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638634
Comments: 18
Kudos: 153





	Free Hugs

**Author's Note:**

> From these prompts:
> 
> Logan and Remus being touch starved Logan isn't a very cuddly person so no one actually thinks he cares, but he hugs his pillow tightly every night in hope of getting rid of this aching feeling that he doesn't understand. Remus being disgusting and stinky to the point that no one would actually touch him. He even tried to rub his skin with soap hard enough to the point of blood trying to be at least enough for a hug. It took so many years for the sides to notice their suffering.
> 
> AND
> 
> For the prompts thingy: touch starved Remus? Fluff would be preferred but if you want to rip my heart out of my chest that's cool too
> 
> (Remus only included in this unfortunately!)

Remus is the cleanest of all the sides that are holed up in the corners of Thomas’s mind. No one knows, because the smell of rot and damp always clings to him, and dirt and mess just tend to gravitate to him like he’s a giant walking gross-magnet. But he is clean, cleaning all the time, tidying the mess away, washing and washing and washing so one day, maybe, someone will let him closer than three feet before bolting with wrinkled noses and expressions of disgust.

He knows a bar of soap will only ever last him a day at most, especially with how much of it he eats, hoping to clean up on the inside if he can’t fix the outside, but even then, even if he uses the strongest deodorant or scrubs every inch with perfumed soap or boils his clothes in lavender fabric wash… it only ever lasts until he walks out the door of his room. The smells turn to the cloying scent of too much axe bodyspray, or wilted flowers, or wear off completely to unearth that rancid deadly smell that is his.

Perhaps, he thinks, now that they’re all quarantined, stuck together by the fear that encloses Thomas’s mind (mostly Virgil’s fault, despite Logan’s repeated assurances that there was no possible way they, as figments of his actual imagination, could possibly catch anything), perhaps they’ll let him a little closer. They won’t have a choice, in fact.

He starts by trying to cook lunch, but Patton shoos him out of the kitchen with a gasp, checking over all the ingredients he’d got out for signs of spoiling.

Movie night offers a chance to force closeness, and he sits right in the middle of the couch before anyone can stop him but they find ways, they all find ways to sit away from him.

Remus is camping on the couch overnight, a side effect of a poorly timed joke from Roman about how Remus must be loving the prospect of a highly infectious and gross disease, and how he’s probably made one of his own in his room. It closes off his one access to cleanliness and within the first two days he’s almost unable to bear himself, let alone the other sides.

“Can I borrow a towel?” He asks Deceit, and when the other side throws one at him it’s made very clear to him that the towel is not to be returned, under any circumstances. Remus ventures to the upstairs bathroom and sneaks in, washing and washing under the hot water until he feels at least a little better.

There’s nothing to be done for his clothes, and he cringes when he realises he has to pull them on, skin crawling with the feeling. He barely gets a sleeve over his arm before he burns the lot with a thought, slipping out in just a towel to try and steal something to wear that won’t smell like he’s been living on the street for a month.

Roman’s room is most obvious, but Logan’s door is partially open and won’t make any noise, and Logan has always been… more lenient than the rest. It’s worth a shot, and he definitely doesn’t expect to be caught.

Of course, he is.

As he rummages through the closet to try and find a plain top and pants that Logan won’t realise are missing, doing his best not to touch anything he doesn’t need to, there’s a click and the clearing of a throat behind him.

“What exactly are you doing?” Logan snaps, striding over to push the draw Remus had open shut with a sharp thunk. “Why are you in here? Naked?”

“It’s not what you think!” Remus hurries to scramble away, but Logan steps in the way at the wrong moment and they stumble.

* * *

They sprawl when Logan falls on Remus, who ends up awkwardly pressed onto the ground. Logan tries to get up and away, as quickly as possible to avoid the inevitable smell, but Remus is just lying there, eyes closed and breathing heavily. Is he hurt? “Remus? Did I hurt you?!” Logan asks quickly, forgetting about the scent that he was supposed to be noticing.

“No,” Remus croaks, hiding his face in his hands. “No, I'm fine.”

They untangle themselves and when Remus moves away, a hand gripping his towel tightly, shoulders hunched over as he makes for the door, Logan realises something. Maybe it only twigs because he recognises it, but that’s by the by. Remus is almost shaking, hugging onto himself, and he didn't smell at all. His skin is pink from a hot shower and a little raw looking in places, and he-

“Why did you come to my room?” Logan asks quietly. "What could you possibly need here? Be honest, please."

The smile he gets is a little manic, but he doesn't let it put him off. "Oh specs, I'm always honest. That's usually the problem. I just wanted, some clothes. That were, clean," Remus manages to reply, forcing the words out at the end.

But- "Why, what happened to yours?"

"I burned them."

"What?"

Remus turns to face him. "I said I burned them. Because they were gross. And I'd just showered. C'mon, aren't you supposed to be the smart one? Everyone knows it would be ridiculous to put dirty clothes back on after you've washed."

"You washed?" Logan shakes his head. Obviously, what a stupid question. He carries on before Remus can point that out. "I mean, don't you want to be dirty? I would've thought you'd like to put dirty clothes back on, to keep the smell."

The silence from Remus's direction is thick with unspoken things. Until Remus voices them. He never could censor himself very well. "You think I want to be disgusting? Filthy? Smell so bad no one will be in the same room as me? You think I don't want normal things like family dinners or helping to decorate for Christmas or sharing a bowl of popcorn?"

Logan is stunned silent.

"I thought if I cleaned, if I could just _stay clean_ , then maybe one day someone might _hug_ me," Remus adds, voice breaking around the word. “I’m not the best person for it, I know, because I really do stink and I’m icky and sticky and gross and horrible but I think I could give good hugs?! I don’t really know, but I think I’d be good at it! I've practised on each of you, well not you really but imaginary you's and they seem to like it well enough and it's not real feedback of course but-"

Logan looks at him with red cheeks, eyes wide. “What do you mean you don’t know?" He interrupts quietly. "Everyone knows how to hug.”

Remus shrugs. “It’s been a while."

How long is a while? Logan wants to ask, but he doesn't know that he wants that question answered. Without a word he goes back to the dresser, pulling out clothes and holding them out towards Remus with a softly guilty expression. "Here, these might fit. Fee- feel free to get more, if you need."

The second half of creativity dips his head in a grateful nod, relief flashing quick and bright over his face. "Thank you," he croaks, making for the door again.

Logan knows he should stop him, call him back, give him the touch he clearly craves, but his voice is caught in his throat, tight with shame. Have they really got Remus so wrong? It wouldn't be difficult, perhaps, considering how little time they spend with him...

As the door clicks shut behind the other side Logan is jolted into action. He bolts out of the door and tugs on Remus's wrist, turning him back in for an awkward, too-loose hug.

It still makes Remus crumble in his arms and cling to him though. (Logan doesn't fare much better.)

And it's just the first hug of many to come; they'll have time to get it just right.


End file.
